Self-Discovery

I am going to try to make this short but who knows how this one will go. When I write these articles, I sit down and type a stream of consciousness – I just write – I don’t think much. I channel whatever comes to me and I let my thoughts hit the page in hopes it’s what you need to hear.

The whole concept of self-discovery (self-awareness) felt so elusive to me for ages. I never actually understood it. Obviously, I had zero awareness about what it meant to dis-cover (uncover) oneself. I just assumed we were supposed to wake up and be a programmed machine all day and then eat dinner and go to sleep. I assumed life was just “happening” and that I had no control or say over what I felt, what I thought, what was happening in my life and so forth.

For me, self discovery wasn’t something I set out to understand. It sort of just happened to me – or rather it found me. That’s how it’s seemed to go for me on the healing journey, the more in sync I became with myself, the more things I needed end up finding me – even if I didn’t realize I needed them at the time. Synchronicities still continue pop up right and left and I’ve gotten to a place in my life where I no longer question them – I realize I’m being guided in many ways – as we all are, if we’re conscious enough to see what life is asking of us. (Note: I was unaware of the synchronicities in life for most of my life).

I guess you could say I discovered self discovery through the process of attempting to heal a plethora of physical symptoms.

In my late 20’s, I could see right through the broken system of Band-aiding physical symptoms and I was curious to start piecing together the parts of myself that deeply knew there was more going on here – more than what we’re programmed to believe is the ‘right’ and ‘only’ way.

I read book after book, went to lectures, synchronistically found a handful of healers who approached the body as a direct reflection of what was going on in the mind, and started to attempt to understand a whole new world beyond the robotic mentality: wake up, work a job you sort of like, just barely make it through your day, and go to bed and do it all over again tomorrow. We’re taught this is “life”. I did this for awhile in my 20’s until my body completely shut down.

I think we’re in an incredible time right now where many of us are questioning and realizing how we’ve been programmed and what we’ve been taught is the right way. Many of us are seeing through the veil of the broken systems and questioning what we put in our minds (TV, magazines, newspapers, the news, social media) and our bodies (food, toxins, etc.). It’s taken me a certain degree of solitude and quiet time to even feel the need to question anything around me. It’s also taken a certain degree of asking myself deep questions about myself to uncover who I am – instead of listening to who society tells me I am by what I’m supposed to think, wear, say, do, etc.

I’m a deep woman and I love asking questions – I’m curious. Very, very curious. If you’ve been following my work for awhile, you know this already. If you’re new here, well then you’ll see what I mean the more you dive into my work. This curiosity has felt like the foundation for my self awareness and self discovery. There’s something that pulls me to want to understand myself more – to try to help myself. It’s a tug from inside of me that ends up pulling me. It feels natural. I’ve also noticed the more I look within myself, sit with myself, feel my feelings and get to know myself, the more I’m able to transmute unresolved emotional pain that’s been lodged inside of me – and the more my life starts to flow in ways I could have never imagined.

I’d say that’s been my motivation thus far because it’s a great motivator but when I really think about it – I love attaining higher levels of consciousness by healing the parts of me that feel uncomfortable or even painful. It’s been revelatory to dive in the deep end and release so much of what led to illness and kept me playing small and ashamed of myself for most of my life. I feel so much lighter and happier the more I embrace this deep work because I’m transmuting the heavy emotions and life feels easier, breezier.

It’s a beautiful thing.

But, it was not such a pretty ride getting here – this whole “self-discovery” thing is intense. It definitely can feel scary and uncertain and like you just want a big hug and a cookie. A big, warm cookie. And probably a blanket to hide under, too. I get it. Becoming aware of ourselves (self-awareness) takes a heck of a lot of courage.

We’re all on such different journeys on this planet and we come from all walks of life – that’s what makes the life experience so unique and wonderful. Yet, at some point many of us start asking questions, “Is this all there is?” “Why am I not able to xyz?” “Why do I feel shame, embarrassed, etc. when I do xyz?” There are lots of questions to be asked and I’m going to leave you with one that started my journey into self-discovery.

You can use this anytime – no matter where you are – whether you’re alone, with 100 people, on an airplane, on the subway or on the top of a mountain in the middle of nowhere. Wherever. Whenever.

Start to become aware of what you are feeling and what is being reflected back to you throughout your day. Let’s say you’re getting a coffee in the morning at the local coffee shop. What are you feeling in line waiting for your coffee? Are you anxious? Nervous your coffee won’t be ready soon enough making you late for work? Are you worrying why the woman next to you keeps looking at you? Are you feeling uncomfortable about it? Are you ashamed about your appearance when she looks at you? Now, everyone else is getting their coffee and yours isn’t ready yet – are you starting to sweat? Is your face getting red? Are you ready to scream or complain? When you finally have your coffee in your hand and someone in front of you isn’t paying fast enough at the checkout, what thoughts are swarming around in your head? Do you feel heat? Are you angry? Aggravated?

WATCH. Watch everything going on. Watch the mind. Be the conscious observer of the chaos in your mind and all the thoughts and feelings swarming around your mind and body. Just watch them. They are not you yet they’re most likely really messing up your day. This snapshot in the coffee shop is a little example of how the mind runs the show but I’m hoping you get the picture to begin creating awareness between you and the thoughts in the mind.

Day to day, become conscious of the thoughts and feelings being reflected back to you and you’ll very quickly start to learn about yourself and why your external reality (and your life) is the way it is. It’s all a reflection of what’s going on inside of you. All of those unconscious loops of thoughts that turn into feelings – watch those and you’ll be amazed at what you discover. The real wakeup call comes from realizing what we feel in any given situation is not because of what’s going on “out there” somewhere – it’s all our own reaction and creation (based on the emotional pain from our past that’s triggered by what’s going on “out there”).

This is exactly how I started understanding myself, my own patterning and emotional pain. We all have patterns – millions of them – mostly from our childhood. Get to know yours, change the ones that no longer serve you (what thoughts don’t feel peaceful?) and watch how your life starts to shift. Just watch.

This is the start of a beautiful journey to self-awareness – discovering who you truly are.

Enjoy. xx